A few days before leaving the States, the American Fellows hopped on a call with the program team. We talked logistics, shared anxieties, and were given additional information on what we could expect in the coming weeks. There was designated time for us to journal about our hopes for the year before we came back together to share our reflections. One of the primary thoughts that I was stuck on was how there is just so much to learn.
I would be immersing myself in a foreign country with a new culture, new languages, and new foods. Within that, I was wondering how I would maintain my own techniques for grounding such as meditation, yoga, and journaling while also adapting to an entirely new life on the other side of the planet. The overall concern was how I would create a home away from home, embracing what was in front of me, while also staying grounded in myself.
This call was my first introduction to Cora, who would be one of the Fellows living near me in the National Capital Region of India. She would become a quick friend and an invaluable source for metaphors, laughter, and encouragement. This would be her third time returning to India, as she had previously spent time in Mumbai, Maharashtra for the 2019-20 Rotary International Exchange and in Jaipur, Rajasthan for the Critical Language Scholarship. She passed along an invaluable insight from her time here, talking about how we will be experiencing an entire life cycle in one year. Cora spoke about how we will start off with very limited knowledge in an entirely new city, then we will move into a period of understanding our surroundings and growing more confident, and then we will have to say goodbye to our newfound homes.
This perspective has really stuck with me. It is now Thursday, November 28th, and I’ve been in India for about a month and a half. Normally, it takes me a while to feel confident in new terrain; however, here it feels like there is not much choice but to sink or swim. This intense environment is mitigated by how much support there is from others as I figure out how to navigate the waters. I get the sense that I am finding my footing amongst the rickshaws, bikes, cars, pedestrians, and cows that are constantly swimming by in the streets. The overall ecosystem that exists and thrives in this city is daunting and exciting, but I feel so thrilled when I realize how much more comfortable I am now versus six weeks ago. I want to make the most of every moment here while also taking care of myself and my relationships at home. The comfort that I feel in the city would not have been possible without the support of those around me, and I feel so grateful for this. There have been three key points that have made me stop and realize that I feel very at home in my new city:
Playing Host in a New City
When I received my placement in Gurgaon, Haryana, many friends told me I was lucky because I would consistently get to see people who are travelling through Delhi. Everyone was advising me that this would give me the opportunity to see fellows, alumni, and other friends who I may otherwise not get the chance to see if I was in a less central location. While there are many pros and cons of being in a metropolitan setting, I can already see how great of a gift this will be throughout my time here.
Garrett was the first Fellow to make a trip to Delhi. Initially, he had planned to stay with Jonathan; however, Jonathan had fallen sick, and there was a last minute change of plans. Garrett ended up staying at Namrah and I’s apartment in Gurgaon. Namrah and I were both excited to have Garrett staying over as it meant we would get extra time with our friend, and Garrett was happy because he would be staying on our luxurious extra mattress in the hall. It worked out for everyone. (Just don’t think about the lovely Didi who comes to cook and is going to turn on the blender first thing in the morning).
His flight was delayed, and he ended up arriving at our apartment around 2AM. Normally, I am early to bed, but I of course stayed up to ensure he could get in with no issue and welcome him. During that time, I remember thinking about how different life is here in India. Here, community is much more valued, versus the United States, which is a more individualistic culture. I would surely do this same thing for my friends back home, but it just feels like the human element is less built into the experience. There, if I really was exhausted, I could leave a key under a mat and call it a night. Here, I need to welcome guests past the guard, and it just feels like bad hosting to not welcome a friend. The warmth of Indian hospitality feels much more welcoming and a style I am happy to learn from. Even the layout of our apartment plays into this as our washroom is attached to the bedrooms. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t just say, “The bathroom is the first door on the left – use it as you please.” So far in my experience, it feels like there is just so much more opportunity for connection baked into the experience of life in India.
One of my favorite qualities about Garrett is his ability to keep pushing on. For our brief time in New York, he had an agenda of places to see and food to eat. During orientation, he made the most of seeing what we could of the city. This time was no different. He had made a jam-packed itinerary for the next few days that included seeing the most famous structures around the city from Lotus Temple and Akshardham to the Taj Mahal. He was able to make this trip happen as we had Friday, September 15th off in celebration of Guru Nanak Jayanti’s birthday.
That Friday morning, we hit the ground running. I have been having my own challenges communicating with the Didi who comes to cook as my Hindi is so limited, and I don’t want to overstep in the kitchen. This morning gave me an incentive to push myself a little bit out of my comfort zone as I now wanted to make sure that our guest was comfortable. Garrett is extremely adaptable, and he was putting no pressure on us as hosts; however, I wanted to make sure he had the best time while he was here. In that way, it made me realize the ways that I was holding myself back with fear. I normally would just sit and wait on the couch for breakfast to be evidently ready; however, I used my limited Hindi skills to make sure he at least had the option of breakfast and chai. Time was limited on his packed schedule.
Garrett had his whole weekend planned, and I really didn’t contribute to this itinerary. My friend, flatmate, and fellow Fellow, Namrah was ever helpful in her recommendation of routes to take and where to eat. I was still very much feeling like a guest in India who was trying to contribute what I could. Yet serving in the role of a haphazard host gave me a sense of belonging. Throughout Orientation, others who knew the city better took on more
responsibility in showing us around. By now serving as the resident here and hosting Garrett, I was forced to step into this role even if I have only been living here for a very limited time.
On Friday night, Jonathan and I helped Garrett fulfill his wish of going to Jama Masjid. Navigating Old Delhi and passing markets full of anything you could imagine from stands with only baby jeans to Dove body wash, we eventually made it to the mosque. By the time we had reached, it was after sundown, so I was unable to enter per religious instruction. Garrett said he wouldn’t go inside as he wanted to be inclusive, but I insisted he do it anyway. He is here as a guest, and I could come back anytime. I really felt such a desire to make sure he had the best time and saw the thing he came to see. Again, I didn’t do much to facilitate this or make it better, but it made me feel more ownership over the city, so to speak. As if it was mine, and I belong to it, and I want to show it off to my friends who are coming.
It also is exciting to see what is now my own city for the next ten months through the eyes of a tourist. I wouldn’t have pushed myself to see Qutub Minar and Red Fort and try fire paan all in one day if Garrett hadn’t been the force behind this for himself. I felt so lucky to come along. It reminds me how special of an experience it is to get to have so many Fellows with us and learn from them. It does also remind me that I have things to contribute, even if it is only a mattress on the floor to facilitate a visit to Delhi.
Excitement When I Speak Hindi
One of the major challenges I face when learning a new language is simply having the courage to speak. This is undoubtedly the most important part because there is just no other way to learn. I fear very heavily saying something that is wrong or inappropriate out of mispronunciation or lack of understanding. When I first arrived in India, I was afraid to say anything in Hindi as I knew those around me were far more proficient. This anxiety first started to be assuaged by the kindness and patience given by this cohort. Even though many of us are fluent in multiple languages, I did not feel a judgment for where I am at in my learning process. This is an incredibly intelligent group of people, but there is also a humility where we recognize that we are all learning and growing together.
Once orientation had ended, I still felt a strong anxiety when trying to speak in Hindi. I realized that I was letting a fear of perfection stop me from trying. As I was thinking slower in Hindi and my articulation had much room for improvement, I was embarrassed and sometimes frustrated when I was not understood by auto drivers or dukaan (shop) owners. I’m not sure when this shift happened, but within the first few weeks of being here, it felt like I had found my voice. I was still saying words wrong and not always understanding what was happening, but in my mind, it turned into a game. Maybe it is just because I cannot have the same anxiety forever. At some point, I have to let it go. Day in and day out, showing up to work and living my regular life does not always allow for me to be worried about others’ perceptions of me. Sometimes I would be in a particularly excited mood or just tired and willing to try speaking in Hindi to wrap up conversations quicker. These moments gave me a glimpse into the reality that there would not be some catastrophic event if I didn’t correctly pronounce the dh sound in “dhanyavaad” (thank you). Namrah particularly has been a monumental force in helping me feel more confident in pronunciation.
Once I had made it past that initial hurdle of feeling so scared to say the wrong thing, it felt like I had planted seeds that kept growing and nurturing each other. The more I was able to practice, the more people around me were able to see that I was interested in learning. The Didi who cooks for us said that “Hindi sounds so beautiful when it comes from my mouth.” There was clearly an excitement and a joy that my attempts brought to others. I’m sure to many people, it feels lovely to have someone interested in your culture and trying to speak the language, even if it is not perfect.
There was also a shift when I realized how much power I had in just the basic vocabulary and structural knowledge of Hindi. I used to feel frustrated when I would ask my teacher what words were in Hindi, and she would tell me that it was just the English word. Now I’m realizing the advantage that this has. I thought it would sound silly if I would just place English words in my Hindi sentence, but this is not the case. I mean, sure, I know it sounds a little different with my accent, but if I can be understood, this is the goal.
A great example of this was when I was coming back from the metro station. I had to book an auto from the metro to my apartment. I used to feel just absolutely filled with anxiety when I would book an Uber or order food on Swiggy and see an incoming phone call, knowing that my limited Hindi was about to be put to the test. This is still a challenge, in that I have had Ubers cancel on me for my Hindi not being understandable; however, I’m able to take this in stride now. Phone calls are extra challenging as there is no lip reading, no body language, and no pantomiming. When I saw this call come in, I said that I was at the point I had placed on the map. Thinking this would not work at all, I also threw out, “Main bridge under hoon” (I am under the bridge). Half of this sentence is in English, and definitely the more important half. Yet moments after I had said this, a voice behind me was saying, “Ma’am, uber” to let me know that his auto was right on the other side of the wall I was next to. I kind of couldn’t believe that it had worked. Later, Cora and I joked about how learning new vocabulary and actually being understood feels like casting a spell.
Each day, I learn more, and I feel so grateful for the opportunity to be around those who are willing to share their knowledge with me. The best thing I can do is keep trying and keep laughing through the blunders. If I take it too seriously, it will become a battle of trying to speak this language perfectly. Ultimately, that’s not what language learning is about for me. It’s an opportunity to connect with people and learn about other cultures. It’s an exercise in expanding my knowledge and doing what previously seemed impossible.
Thanksgiving at the Office
Although Halloween is my favorite holiday and the first American holiday that I missed, it happened amidst the flurry of arriving and settling in our new cities. It also happened to be on the same day as Diwali this year, which made it hard to think of anything but the fun that was happening right in front of me. I was worried as Thanksgiving approached, thinking about how this would be the first major family holiday that I would be missing throughout this cohort. It also marks the start of the holiday season in my mind, as now my family will start decorating for Christmas. I was worried this would create a feeling of longing for home. On Saturday, November 23, as I was returning home from the Taj Mahal, my dad sent me a picture of his side of the family celebrating Thanksgiving. I felt a sadness in my stomach, knowing I was missing this family time; however, I was also so physically exhausted and drained from the day, there was just not much time to process what I was missing back home in Ohio. Still, that gut reaction of sadness when seeing my family together made me slightly concerned for how I would feel on Thanksgiving.
I previously had the idea of cooking a Thanksgiving meal for the Fellows here. While I did find a place to buy a turkey, I was reminded that I do not have access to an oven. Life also quickly got in the way as new tasks unexpectedly popped up, bathrooms flooding, meals out, working and travelling across the city causing the days to slip by. I woke up in the middle of the night before Thanksgiving, and I was thinking about how I was sad that I didn’t plan anything for the office to honor the holiday. Then, I remembered, I am in one of the most bustling cities in the world. I had the idea to order a pie for the office at lunch, so I opened Swiggy (similar to DoorDash for American readers), and I just searched “pie”. Sure enough, I was greeted with images of multiple pies that could be delivered within 30 minutes. I planned on ordering one for lunch tomorrow, and I was happy that I could still mark tomorrow as some sort of special day for everyone.
When lunchtime came, I ordered an apple pie for all those who were in the office that day. We all went around and said what we were grateful for. It reminded me that I am so lucky to be working with this group of people who have been so welcoming to me. Yes, there is the learning curve of being in a new country, but already, within one month of being in the office, I feel so supported and comfortable. Additionally, it really made me reflect on how I should not be so afraid to speak up. When I was ordering the pie, there was a moment where I thought, I should just not do this. I was thinking about how everyone is busy, and this could interrupt their day. I had a feeling in my gut that told me to just do it anyway. Even if everyone was too busy to eat it, it was still a gesture of my desire to be here and to include everyone in my culture as they have been so kind as to include me in theirs. It was clearly very appreciated and gave everyone an opportunity for further bonding.
It also served as a reminder that I do not have to entirely give up my own habits and culture in order to assimilate here. In fact, it’s a gift to have both sides of the coin. I can learn from those around me speaking in Hindi and talking about the best places to travel in India, but I can also honor my own traditions and celebrate thousands of miles away.
Finding Peace
On the first night I stayed at my apartment in Gurgaon, I sat on my balcony and I called Cora. We were trying to figure out Diwali plans as things were changing every hour. It’s so special to experience Diwali in India, but we were also in the midst of figuring out our housing situations. Within that, Cora did what she does best and explained the situation through a metaphor. She spoke about the different seasons of life. We both lived at home for the majority of last year, and we saw this as a season of winter coming into spring. There was time to relax and reflect before going onto the next adventure. Now, we are in a crazy time of summer where there are new activities popping up every single day. In this summer season of life, flowers are growing all around us, and there are more beautiful animals and landscapes than we even have the capacity to appreciate. That doesn’t make the garden any less beautiful, we just become a part of it. I think about this in the context of identifying key moments where I have felt more at home in my new city. There is so much happening, and it is a gift to live it, even if I cannot take all of the beauty and capture it in pictures or in journal entries.
Yet even within that, there are moments of quiet amongst the summer season of life. My apartment is a 4 BHK (bedroom, hall, kitchen), occupied by couples and normally buzzing with activity. For the first time since I moved in, I found myself completely alone for the evening on Thanksgiving. The Didi who cooks for us asked if lady fingers were okay for dinner. Without knowing what that was, but having enjoyed everything she has made so far, I agreed. I had three chapatis and the lady fingers she prepared. I watched the end of Kal Ho Naa Ho, Maahi Ve displaying a bright array of colors and Shah Rukh Khan dancing across my screen. I felt happy and at peace. When I started this year, I’m not sure that I expected Thanksgiving to look like me sitting alone watching a Bollywood movie in my apartment, but I wouldn’t have it any other way this year. This quiet night of comfort would not have felt so special without all the adventures and work done surrounding it. I feel very grateful for all of those who have made this city already feel like so much of a home.
When I find myself at a loss, whether this be of understanding, of patience, or of power in a situation here, I remind myself of the most powerful salve: time. It means so much to be somewhere for ten months. Even if I am fumbling through work and not understanding all of the social cues around me, I keep showing up. Slowly but surely, each day I walk out of my apartment and come to the office, and this reflects that I’m putting effort into this area of my life. I’m putting an active effort into understanding the country that I’ve chosen to live and work in. And I think that means something to people as well. Even if I am blundering my way through talking to auto drivers and the guard at our society, there is a persistence and a value that time alone can provide. You don’t know what you don’t know, and by showing up each and every day and making an effort, I am learning and growing in ways that I previously did not even know were possible.
