A Story from a Session
As part of my fellowship project with AIF, I am designing and implementing modules with adolescent girls to empower them and help them understand their rights and agency. Recently, during a session on ‘Understanding Identity and Gender’ with this batch, the initial enthusiasm of the session took an unexpected turn when one of the girls remarked, ‘Ma’am isse acha toh ladka hona hi hai.’ Ma’am, it is better to be a boy. We had not started the session with such pessimism and it had, in fact, taken some steering from my end to make them dread their very being.
Patriarchal Dissonance- Normalizing the Abnormal
To understand their perspectives on gender and identity, I had initiated a dialogue on the disadvantages perpetuated by patriarchy, only to be met with a somewhat disconnected batch. Their initial responses, encompassing issues such as rape, female feticide, and infanticide, revealed an awareness of broader societal challenges. However, when prompted to consider personal, everyday instances of patriarchal impact, their responses grew surprisingly scarce. At this point, I began to wonder whether it was because society had progressed and we were finally at a point where we were seeing more equality than ever before.
Not too confident of that thought I asked them specific questions such as so who cooks at home? Do you have a different curfew timing than your male siblings? Have you ever faced harassment on the street? The girls were confused by these questions as the answers to each seemed obvious. Mom. Yes, I have to be home before it is dark or I don’t go out of my house for anything other than school and this center. And finally the answer to the last question: Of course ma’am but that is normal.
The revelation struck me not in its novelty but in its normalcy. Street harassment is either a universal blessing bestowed upon all women or a special tax levied on women for being ‘allowed’ to walk on the road. So naturally all women have suffered from it. The shock, however, lay not in the occurrence but in the nonchalance with which these young girls regarded it. Their acceptance of this as unalterable fate raised unsettling questions about the broader acceptance of such norms within society.
Privileges and Precautions
But was not that true for all women? Women may have broken the chains holding them back at multiple levels but have we all not accepted our fate just as much? I contemplated whether societal progress had indeed led us to a point of equality, and the girls’ responses forced me to reassess.
Did I possess certain privileges, including access to support networks and avenues for discourse? Absolutely. Yet, it didn’t exempt me from the habitual precautions- never leaving the house without my phone fully charged, vigilantly keeping my eyes on Google Maps when travelling on public transport, and an exhaustive nightly security routine of double-checking all the bolts and locks.
For a considerable part of my life, I, too, yearned to be free from the societal shackles imposed on me as a girl. More often than not I would wonder how easy life would have been if I had been a boy. As I navigated through adolescence and adulthood, I found myself constantly bumping against the constraints of expectations tied to my gender. It was a struggle to reconcile the essence of who I was with the predefined roles and limitations society had assigned to me.
Beyond Acceptance
Gradually, I succeeded in bridging that divide to a certain degree. Education became my weapon of choice, empowering me to challenge stereotypes and redefine my narrative. However, my journey towards self-discovery and empowerment was a privilege—an advantage not afforded to every girl grappling with societal expectations.
The parallels drawn between their experiences and mine compelled me to ponder two pivotal questions: Should we surrender to the whims of fate, or must we relentlessly challenge the status quo we’ve come to accept, defying the normalized embrace of our struggles, while persistently pushing against the confines imposed upon us? And, was it my place to guide the dialogue to this precipice, where they confronted a facet of life inevitably destined to unfold? As I reflect, I find myself without answers to either. Yet, one certainty remains steadfast: with each step a girl takes beyond her threshold, with every stride she makes upon the pavement, she defies centuries of imposed restrictions, echoing the courage of generations past.
The conversation has just begun but we have miles to go before we sleep.
References:
Frost, Robert. “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.” Poetry Foundation, Poetry Foundation, www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/42891/stopping-by-woods-on-a-snowy-evening.
