I have a quick thought exercise for you: who are the last 5 “new people” you have met? This can be anyone; a cab driver, someone you met on the street, a waiter at a restaurant, whoever. How did these conversations go, and what did you take away from it?
Since I’ve come to India, talking to new people has been something that I’ve found myself doing much more. I would consider myself a more quiet person and I do keep to myself often, by definition an introvert. India is where I think introvertedness comes to die. Indian culture is much more communal, and people rarely sit silently or keep to themselves. When I first got here, this threw me off guard. I’m barely articulate in the morning, but I found myself having about 10 different conversations with neighbors, cab drivers, and store clerks, before I even reached the office. Admittedly this was a lot to contend with at first, but now it’s something I quite enjoy.
On a personal note, yes I do feel that talking more makes someone come out of their shell and grow, but I think the more important aspect for me lies in what the other party often has to say. Asking them basic questions about their day, their work, their family, whatever it may be would open the gates to deeper conversations. Now these people were often strangers that I would never meet again, think back to the initial thought exercise; cab drivers, people on the street, waiters, etc. but despite that they so openly talked with me about things so personal to them. Talking about their work would lead to them telling me about how they’ve seen their industry change and their economic concerns, or if they were younger what they wanted to do next. Talking to them about their family would lead to conversations about what they wanted for their children, and in many cases what it’s like to be a migrant and having to leave your family behind as you try to find work. Conversations that started out as small talk ended up teaching me a lot about the social fabric of India, and made me feel a lot more “local” as I began to understand the new environment I was in.
These people didn’t open up about these things to me because of who I am, but because they wanted to be heard. The fact that I showed interest in what they had to say and engaged with them made their concerns feel real, and I’m sure it often felt cathartic for them to express them as well. What everyone really wants is for someone to validate these feelings and anxieties, tell them that they really do exist and their problems are important. This was a lesson I learned from speaking with different characters in my neighborhood or my commute to work, but it’s one I carried over to my work in development.
Development is all about conversations like these, listening to your beneficiaries and stakeholders and making them feel seen. Throughout this year I’ve had real conversations with students, teachers, and field mentors, where I get to know them and build a connection, thus allowing me to better understand their concerns. Conversations create relationships, as they show that you are listening to, and respect, those you are working for. As you integrate what you learn from those conversations into the programs you’re working on, you also make that program a shared one that features a vision from the community.
